Tharuna Devchand

What the World Needs Is More Deep Breaths



Posted: Friday, December 02, 2011

by Tharuna Devchand

There's a popular prayer that hangs on the dining room wall of my parent's house:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference between the two."

For much of my childhood, I never really understood what it meant. I always tried to fix things that were completely out of my hands and blamed myself for the way people reacted to me. Someone's bad day became proof that they didn't like me, and I was always the first to apologise for everything, even if I wasn't involved in the situation I would apologise for other people.

There are only two things that we are truly responsible for: ourselves and the way we react to people and situations. We assume too much, we react too quickly and we burden ourselves with things that we have no control of; be it in relationships, our jobs or just our lives. There's too much stress, too many expectations, too much selfishness and too many people with huge (and perhaps empty) egos.

Let it all slide. What the world needs is people to stop, take a deep breath and repeat to themselves (to quote the book title) "don't sweat the small stuff".

Stephen Covey's 90/10 principle is one those things that I believe needs to be taught to kids from a young age, so that the world would be a better place.

Covey says:

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90% by your reaction. 

Let us use an example: You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticise her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone. After a 15-minute delay and throwing away $60 on a traffic fine, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terribly. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. 

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. 

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time.” Grabbing a towel, you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early to work and cheerfully greet the staff. 

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended differently. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined by your reaction.

So the next time something goes wrong, or someone says something that hurts your feelings, take a deep breath. Because all that negative energy transfers and affects everybody that you meet as you are likely to snap at people for no reason, thereby ruining their day. And then they are most likely to go home upset and cause a quarrel in their home upsetting the rest of the family... and so on and so on.

So... just breathe!
Tharuna is a features writer for the Witness newspaper in Pietermaritzburg. She also films and edits videos for the Witness website and dabbles in film and stand up comedy.
What the World Needs
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