Forward this!
Posted: Thursday, December 08, 2011
by Tharuna Devchand
I recently got one of those forwarded “I am so grateful for...” emails and one of the points stated: “I am so grateful for people who send me forwards...”
Whaaaaaaat?! Seriously?
Email forwards are annoying, especially when you get twenty in a row from the same person and then receive them all again from dumb mutual contacts.
Then I went to campus and every single person that I knew there had unlimited access (or so we liked to think) to the internet. For the next four years I was bombarded by every and any possible type of email forward - the chain mail, the petitions, the jokes, the profound messages about the world, the sanctimonious platitudes on how to live a better life and cheesey you-have-a-friend-in-me sentiments that bared no personal touch.
Not to forget the barrage of Indian jokes! Just because I’m brown doesn’t mean I chune the chunes of the charou or smaak the ‘vy posie for a dop’ type LOLs.
On campus I actually had a few personal ISTs (Indian Slang Translator) who would have to explain half the South African indian jokes I received (the other half were ‘You know you are Indian when...’ cracks and Peru and Bala strips). Ya ya, it’s appalling but I didn’t have many ‘Indian lingo pro’ friends at school to learn how to talk the talk.
I was over it faster than a cheetah on caffeine. I created a folder labelled ‘Forwards’ and sent all messages beginning with FFW there without even looking at them... not deleting them in case the proverbial one day came along.
But the forwards never end. In fact, they are continually regurgitated, spreading like hepatitis every few years. There’s still Thabo Mbeki and George Bush jokes infecting my inbox every so often! The same quizes, the same amazing facts, the same deep thoughts, the same old everything just keep rolling in like a wounded ex-lover, hoping that this time I’d care. And let’s not mention the Little Johnny and Chuck Norris jokes....
Isn’t there a way for email forwards to spontaneously self-destruct in some cyber-equivalent way and simply disappear after its third lap around the world? Or some type of cyber PI who cleans out the net like a pool, killing tired mail like algae and sterilising the available information in a digital Chlorine.
Thanks to the advancement of technology, my simple email filing system is inadequate to keep away the deluge of mindless forwards. They now haunt me on Blackberry Messenger, Whatsapp, Facebook, those chewed up unoriginal blogs and youtube videos. And then you’re chatting with some friends and suddenly one of their phones starting flashing red and they look at it, laugh and say, “Hey guys, did you hear this joke?” Save me.
Which leads me to three simple questions:
1. Do people actually read their emails or just keep clicking forward?
2. Are we running out of original ideas and entering a type of black hole of human thought?
3. Do people really think that sending out a hundred forwards a day make them look cool or are they just bored?
Should I really feel moved by those graphic collages of shocking iconic photos that I’ve seen so often I’ve become immune to them? And then send it to 15 of my friends. Man, I only have five friends! I feel kak about that already, you don’t have to rub it in.
So yes, if you only send me forwards, do not expect me to reply or return or continue the chain (unless it’s something awesome).
I’m much too much of a loser to fit into the ingroup of the cybersphere.
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Top-level comments on this article: (3 total)Which in my mind makes you a winner. I LOVE this, Tharuna! And I absolutely hate those ridiculous forwarded things. Especially when they come from so-called friends who never say anything personal. I don't know what the point of it is. It just shows how much time they spend trawling cyberspace looking for mindless crap. Thanks for the opportunity to have a rant! :)LOL anytime Jen. How ya doing? Singing yet?Ha ha, I knew you were going to ask this eventually! I didn't do the audition. I'd originally thought I just wanted to try it anyway, what the hell, but actually I don't want to be a chancer, and I know I didn't have their entry requirements. So I'm going to spend the year preparing, doing my book and finishing my scripts.
Ya, ya, I know you think it's just a whole lot of rationalization!LOL nothing wrong with rationalisation... as long as you never regret the choice you make:). im all for rational conclusions.
Talking about taking chances, this cape town thing is looking bleekI'm fine with the choice I've made :) Why is the Cape Town thing bleak?Tryin to get a job there is provin to be more difficult thsn i anticipatd. Considerin findin a super rich man now and goin overseas to study lol.
btw you should still keep singin in the shower.
Writin act 2 of my screenplay now... its crazy hard. too much stand up and not enough funny voices in my headLOL good luck with that! As for CT, it's not a very accommodating place. Lot of closed doors.
yeah yeah, I'm still singing... Maybe you should stop trying - to be funny, I mean. Just let it be what it is. Maybe the genre isn't comedy, but whatever it is, it has funny bits in it.Na its defnos a comedy. I redid my entire first act, realised it wasn't in my voice and now its crazy funny. As in funny in a crazy way.
I think not getting onto that course was the best thing ever. I realised that I couldnt continue writin my screenplay... then i tossed out all that structure stuff and just went with the flow. it needs trimmin now but it feels so much more naturalHow about that. Somebody from Cape Film Commission told me about a guy who did that course and pitched to a producer the way he'd been taught - you know, all the structure. The producer told him to forget all that crap and just tell the story the way he originally wrote it!lol. guess it depends on the producers
Hi Tharuna.
Great rant and brilliantly written. But what's this mean exactly: "I chune the chunes of the charou or smaak the ‘vy posie for a dop’?" Looks like gibberish to me, but then a lot of Cajun and Creole look that way to me too.
Anyway, I totally agree.
Hugs,
DianneLol that's how Indians speak in south africa. They have their own dialect. Lol. Its just slang. Chune is like talk or tell off. Posie is home or house:)
T
I agree, I don't like them at all and I DO just glance at most of my emails lately because I get so many goofy ones. Technology is great and...nuts!!
Steve
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